COVID-19 Closure

I've always been a rebel. It didn't serve me when I was young I was always in trouble at school, rebels as you know don't do well with authority. I'm still a rebel at 63, I respect the law of course but not people telling me what to do. I guess rebels make their own rules! I'm not an activist but I hate injustice and stand up for others and what's not right, its got me into a lot of trouble in the past, yet I would do it again. Being a rebel helped me make my own gut decision to close the studio.

Like a lot of people when I heard the news of the virus I thought "oh here we go again" and the mass panic unnecessarily. I don't generally watch the news as its scare mongering and often used to manipulate the public. In yoga we choose what we filter into our mind as much as we can, not unnecessarily fear. 
As news broke last week of the virus spreading so fast worldwide and then my son, who works for Apple, was sharing the news that they have closed Worldwide as a preventative measure. I started to feel scared and anxious, this is a normal response to fear and can keep us safe. Being in denial is not a normal response and doesn't keep us safe.

Last Week.

Wednesday - I stopped teaching strong breath practises. I was becoming so anxious about how I could try to keep students safe it was affecting my sleep. I needed to cut the class size I took out 2 mats to make 8 spaces only, changed the booking system. 

Thursday -  I could feel my nervous system suffering I had chest pains. I had a very small class, it felt easier.

Friday - I cancelled pregnancy yoga because the responsibility felt huge. There is no evidence yet that it can affect the early development of foetus in early gestation, its just to soon too know, but this worries me despite being told its ok.  Although a baby has since been born with the virus.
I was starting to realise as I cleaned lights switches, door handles, door frames as well as the usual mat cleaning that this what out of my control.

Saturday - I was discussing with my family the risk of not knowing who may have the virus (the unseen) and how if anyone bought it into the studio unknowingly I could not live with myself, it would mess me up completely. I was due to teach a workshop on Sunday 10 students, it felt really scary... That's it I thought, I have to close.

My teaching has always been that the first priority is to keep you safe. Physically, mentally and emotionally. How could I keep teaching when I know in my heart this was not the case? It's simply not possible. I explored why I would possibly continue, was it the money? No. Was it because I didn't want to disappoint you? No. I wanted to keep going because I love my job, I really do. I closed the studio after the small Saturday morning class, I felt an immediate sense of relief after I had completed all the emails and refunds. 

Yoga philosophy looks at human suffering, you will will suffer a loss of someone you love while you are living, it can't be avoided. This perpetual cycle of suffering is called Samsara in yoga. Yoga also looks deeply like Buddhism does that we can also be the creator of our own suffering, by ways of our thinking, speaking, acting. If I continued teaching like lots of yoga studios sadly are, I would have been the creator of my own anxiety and possible my own guilt of staying open too long. I'm so glad I made the decision when I did.

My anxiety has eased enormously I have a sense of calm. I'm happy to stay inside with my family. Yes outside is scary, but I'm inside and we are safe at the moment. 

So being a rebel I see a a good thing, I didn't wait to be told I need to close, I made my own choice of what I felt was right.

This is a dark and difficult time coming. I'm not listening to the government, they are not doing enough. I'm not prepared to be part of the herd, that means I need to catch it - no thank you. We need to take this into our own hands by practicing social distancing, preparing for what's to come. My family started slowly preparing last week. I was so surprised at how many people were (and still are) in denial about it.

Preparing is different from panic, panic comes when your are not prepared.

Start to distance yourself as much as you can. It's going to be difficult financially. We will see the collapse of the holiday industry. Airlines going bust. Almost everything in life as we know will change, maybe permanently, maybe we have to live a different way.

Perhaps nature has turned on us. When planes and boats stop, fewer cars etc climate change could ease temporarily, it's dropped already in Italy. Maybe life never returns as we know it, maybe its better when the virus is over. I alway have a feeling everything that happens is for a reason, often lessons are learnt from the deepest suffering, at least it been that way for me. Change is happening all the time it one thing we can be sure of.

I have a peaceful mind now amidst the storm that's coming. Yes I'm still concerned, but it feels easier. My choice was the right one. It doesn't mean I like it, I miss you all already. But my heart feels good because I know I did what was needed.

Do the best you can to keep you and your family as safe as possible.